Chapter 28, 'Everybody loves me'

Feeling irritable, my hangover and I jumped out of the boat into the shallows to pull it the last few feet to the shore, when Louise launched herself at me biting and scratching like a mad woman.

She left me no choice. I battered her around the head and face with an oar. Her busted teeth flew out, her pretty head split like a water melon. Fresh, red blood turning pink, dissolving in the water. Killed her. Self defence. Obvious to practically anyone.

In reality I said, 'Lou I beg you, forgive me, I'm a living fool!'

She kicked me in the balls. I've been clean and sober ever since.